Having once been an extremely zealous believer who was part of an even more zealous Christian ministry group and now being an unbeliever in the existence of the Christian god, I decided it would be fitting to describe my time spent in this extreme right Christian organization, particularly as a part of their program known as the Honor Academy. I'm also hoping it helps bring things from that time period back to my memory so I can take things from my past and reflect on them and become a better person today because of things I have gone through.
This Christian organization was called Teen Mania, which no longer exists as an organization as of 2015, and essentially Teen Mania existed to prompt and/or convert youth and young adults and use them to spread the message of the Gospel all over the world. This was done primarily through Acquire the Fire, which was basically a rock concert for teens as well as some sort of skit each year, and after all the music and skit would rile their emotions they would be given the gospel and would make a commitment to be faithful to God and to spread His word. They would also do Global Expeditions, which were missions trips teens and young adults would go on to spread the gospel in other countries. Their other program was the Honor Academy, which is what I was a part of for two years.
TL ; DR if you don't want to read through my descriptions of Honor Academy life I've attached a few videos describing it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTK0ettqEEY ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7qpSMOD4nM
I heard about Teen Mania's Honor Academy at Acquire the Fire around maybe 2005 or 2006. It was basically a place young Christians would go to for a year to grow in their faith and hopefully find their calling for their lives. Being an extremely naive and zealous Christian, I thought it was the perfect place to go to grow in my faith and that God would use it to further the rest of my life. I used the majority of my trust fund money from my deceased mother to pay for the first year I was there, and I graduated from high school a year early to attend sooner.
During our internship with the Honor Academy I stayed in a dorm with five other guys and we were called a core, and we had a core advisor who was around our age that would hold us accountable for following the rules and would be in charge of leading our core during the year. Every week I would meet with this core advisor who would ask me how I'm doing like if I've been struggling with masturbation, viewing porn, etc.
Everyone had something called a "ministry placement," which was basically a job each intern would perform to help the campus run. I was a part of running breakfast for the next year and then I would volunteer to do so as well for the following year. Being as breakfast crew had to get up at around 4 am for work this caused myself and the others I worked with to be constantly tired and underslept during the year, because most of the events would go late into the night, causing us to get three or four or even two hours of sleep at times. Most of the good friends I made at the Honor Academy were from this ministry placement. One thing that would always irk me and still does is when we would be told we could not question anyone placed in authority because we are then ultimately questioning God who put the people in their place that put those people in their place.
In the morning everyone would participate in corporate exercise, which was just exercising that the entire internship would have to do together. On a certain day of the week we would have Chapel where a speaker would typically visit and do a speech, and on Monday nights there would be worship and either on Monday nights as well or on another night Ron Luce would do a speech. The worship was extremely intense with people dancing and running around, etc.
We would hold big events every so often called LTEs or Life Transforming Events. We did quite a few of these throughout the year. We did the UPG or Unreached People Group LTE which was probably the most fun, where certain interns would live like tribal groups and missionaries would have to convert them, and a fasting retreat where interns fasted for three days and they were not allowed to talk to each other and could only pray and focus on God. I did enjoy the hiking trip in Big Bend Texas which I did for both the years I was there.
The most contentious LTE was ESOAL, or Emotionally Stretching Opportunity of A Lifetime. It was bootcamp for around 78 hours straight, with drill instructors that would verbally and physically abuse you and push you to your physical limits, and I've attached a video to show what it was like. I did this for two years. It was basically just a physical challenge for me because I'm crazy like that. Oh and because of the nature of it I ended up with staph infection in my leg and I finished it with an extreme open sore on the front of my toe and I could barely walk :/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOunedJ9OK4 ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWhUL7-0wDo
My first reflection on the Honor Academy is that it was an extremely legalistic / strict culture. Making a commitment was taken very seriously at the Honor Academy, and at the beginning of the year everyone wanting to stay for the program made a commitment to stay for a year and follow the rules established. There were lots of rules at the Honor Academy, such as no dating (we were only to focus on God for that year), no listening to secular music, no viewing of pornography, no masturbation, no swearing, etc. If we were to violate any of these rules we were to "confess" to a leader and we would then go before an "honor council" that would decide what the consequences should be. If we did not "confess" in a timely manner we would be "dismissed" or kicked out of the program.There were lots of dismissals for untimely confessions during my time at the Honor Academy. I do recall the director David Hasz stating he believed God would pour His wrath out on you if you broke your commitment. This emphasis on keeping commitments as well as the emphasis on integrity often caused interns to either intentionally or unintentionally say hurtful things to one another when they were holding each other accountable. I myself became very legalistic and would treat others in ways I shouldn't have because I was trying to have integrity and I thought it was the right thing to do.
Ron Luce who was a type A Personality and clearly had something psychologically wrong with him would typically do sermons on how we as believers should be changing the world. He would tell us not to be typical wimpy believers who aren't doing anything but to be world changers, and would give a story about comparing himself to a friend of his who didn't do what he did and that we shouldn't be like him. This was definitely a part of what would lead to losing my faith as it created a false illusion in me of me doing all these great things for God and then I became disillusioned when it wasn't happening. He would be constantly attacking the culture and talking about how evil it is and how we need to stand up and fight against it.
I do recall there was a speaker one time who either was or knew someone that had previously lived a homosexual lifestyle and was now married and had nine kids, implying it is possible to no longer be gay, etc. Another speaker was giving stories of how he was extremely aggressive with teachers at a school he attended and at one point made a comment that you get peace by crushing your enemies. There was also a counselor at our campus who made suggestions like snapping yourself with a rubber band when you have a lustful thought and like the rest of the ministry believed being a homosexual was a sin. Another girl told me a that an older adult told her she was into witchcraft because she was disrespectful to her mother and the Bible says witchcraft is as idolatry. I myself was "disciplined" by the Honor Council for not rebuffing something a girl said to me that had feelings at the time.
I spent a lot of this time very zealously seeking after God by reading the Bible and praying. The strict and legalistic culture definitely created an insecurity or stirred up an extreme insecurity in me of being afraid of doing something wrong and being dismissed which caused me a lot of anxiety during the two years I was there. The extreme atmosphere helped make me so extreme it was the last nail in the coffin for a ruptured friendship that never did heal, and it caused me to really hurt a girl that cared a lot about me. I made a lot of good friends in this place but I also hurt a lot of the ones outside of it.
I made a lot of good friends and lot of memories but I can't help but wonder what direction my life would have gone in had I not made the decision to attend this place / never became fanatically religious. I gave up my last year of high school to attend there and even after leaving my second year I spent half of my twenties living in its shadow and feeling disillusioned by the hope it created in me of having an exciting life for God. I missed out on most of the things young adults should experience during my formative years due to both attending this place and the zealousness of my faith as a result and it definitely stunted my growth in a lot of ways that still negatively affect me.
I can't change the past or decisions I've made in the past, but I do wonder how I can take the experiences I have been through and use them to make myself a better person with who I am now.
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